Being Crazy Isn’t So Bad
On Friday, I read a post about a girl on a plane that cried over a really good book… and then, reading her post, I began to cry. She was telling my story.
“I’d rather be crazy and vulnerable than to be the kind of person who can’t cry when the situation calls for it, or who won’t let herself feel anything at all. I’ve been that girl. And I don’t miss her. I’d rather be crazy enough to quit my job and go on a 50 state road trip than to spend years of my life doing work that is less than satisfying, than to grow up wondering“what if” I would have taken the leap. I was that girl for many years. The obedient girl. The rebellious girl. The angry girl. They were all the same girl in different ways. And to that girl I say: Good riddance.”
When I quit my job that I enjoyed beyond words (and worked for a guy that is one of my favorite people on Earth) to pursue true happiness, people thought I was nuts. They didn’t understand it. People talked behind my back (the rumors were a mix of amusing and hurtful) and I even heard through the grapevine that I had been fired! All I could do was shake my head. People love a good drama but they can’t understand the feel good stories when people change their lives to pursue dreams. Dreams of happy marriages and living lives they love. Taking that leap was one of the most terrifying, exhilarating and exciting things I have ever done. I found myself in that time. The essence of me… And it was beautiful.
“I’ve spent so much time waiting, wasted so many years wishing for life to happen to me, instead of taking responsibility to make it happen myself. I don’t want to be that girl anymore — that bored girl, that sad girl. I’d rather be this girl, the girl who is committed to forgive, and love, and move, and act, and let go, push forward and believe even when it doesn’t make sense to believe; even if it means being disappointed, even if it means being hurt, again and again.”
I have loved people beyond words and let go of the notion that I don’t want to be hurt. The reality is no one “wants” to be hurt but if we never love, we never really live. So you get your heart broken. You fail in pursuit of a goal. You fall on your face and people laugh. Know what happens after that? Your heart heals. You achieve new goals. You wipe off the dirt and you get back up… And the people that laughed, well one day they wake up and look in the mirror at themselves and deal with that. I would never give up my experiences or relationships because they have had a part in building the woman that stands today.
“I’d rather risk my whole life for something that matters than to get to the end and realized I played it safe so I could drive a nice car and own a leather couch. I’d rather hold to things loosely, feeling grateful for gifts as they come, and giving them away as they are needed by others. I’d rather give to much than too little — Too much love, too much money, too much of my time.”
I don’t have the coolest car and yeah I might have a leather couch but know what? I hate it… It’s cold in the winter and sticky and hot in the summer and the dog can’t sit on it because her nails scratch it. Cool cars and leather couches are over rated. Ask any Football, Baseball, Hockey Mom… Their cars are full of dirt and crumbs. They are lived in and maybe kind of smelly… And they are perfect! In the giving is where we become fulfilled. Giving time we don’t have, money we would rather spend elsewhere and love that we would rather keep so we don’t get hurt. Sometimes in the things that “hurt” the most to give we reach our deepest level of contentment.
And like Allison Vesterfelt… I too have spent my life being as “normal” as possible so people didn’t think I was weird, quirky or crazy. Know what? We’re all a little weird and quirky and crazy. Yes dear, even you, and it’s ok… Matter of fact, it’s PERFECT!