Our Brokenness, His Restoration
We are human and that means that sometimes we ruin things. By ruin things I mean sometimes we break things so badly that nothing we say or do can repair it. I went through a time in my life where I really thought I had it all figured out. I figured out what it is that I wanted in life and I was doing me in a big way! I am sure you can imagine where that trainwreck thinking had me headed. Incase you can’t… The flip side was that in the process of figuring out me and my wants and my needs, I hurt pretty much every person around me that loved me and wanted the best for my life. Way to go, Dollface.
The aftermath of my selfish desires left a wake of disaster… That’s not a term I use lightly either. I jacked up a lot of relationships in my quest to do me. This past year and a half I have spent a lot of time trying to repair them. For a chick that is inherently selfish and sometimes kind of a jerk-face this has proved to be a lot of work. For as much as I would love to claim my awesomeness and say that I repaired these relationships on my own I can’t- because I didn’t. In my heart of hearts I truly believe that these relationships were healed by Christ and Christ alone. He let loose the flood gates of grace over my life and restored the broken.
Yesterday I received a gift in the mail from someone that I had hurt. In my “I’m Doing Me” kick they went out of their way to try and help me, but I at the time wasn’t interested in the help. This gesture of kindness that I received in the mail got me so crystal-clear present to the power of Christ that for a few seconds, I was speechless. I literally had no words. In my hand I held a gift and in my spirit, like that spot in the depths of me, I could hear a still small whisper that reminded me “He restores. In His timing. In His way. He restores.”
Christ heard the prayers I had prayed over the relationships that were seemingly beyond repair. He heard the ones I cried myself to sleep praying. He heard the ones I prayed as I listened to worship in church. He heard the ones that I prayed where I rolled my eyes annoyed with him and his timing. He heard the ones I yelled in anger. He heard the ones I lifted up to the feet of Jesus with a heavy heart. Christ heard my prayers, and in his timing by his will, he answered them.
The longer I stood in awe of what Christ had done, a thought slowly crept in and I was reminded of some of the other relationships God has yet to restore. There are a couple that cause me so much anxiety and sadness that when I think about them my heart aches. Yesterdays fulfillment of one of Christ’s promises has reminded me that for some relationships, God thinks it’s not time yet. (Regardless of my thoughts on the matter.) For His reasons, He has a different plan. The truth is, God may or may not ever answer some of my prayers, but I have a peace that reaches down to my bones that reminds me, “whether he does or doesn’t restore all of the relationships I ruined, it’s His will that will be done.”
In His timing.
In His way.
In His will.
And all is well with my Soul.