Beautiful Aches of the Heart
A long long time ago, long before I met Hubbz, I met a boy.
My young, sweet teenage heart was enamored with that boy. He intrigued me and he captivated me. It was beautiful and maddening all at the same time. Life happened as it does and that said boy went away to college. It was long before social media and it was quite a few years before I ran into said boy again. When I ran into him, we were both a little older, our adolescent physiques slightly less amazing than they once were. His once gorgeous locks now hinted with grey and receded slightly more than they once did. Despite the effects of time, said boy was still a beautiful human.
As I walked away I thought about the human condition and what it means to love.
For a very long time my teenage love for that boy left an ache in my heart. I spent a lot of time trying to quench the ache left by love. I tried not to feel it. I tried to pretend it wasn’t there. I tried to talk myself out of it. I tried to make it go away.
Some fight it with food.
Some fight it with sex.
Some fight it with alcohol.
Some fight it with drugs.
Some fight it with work.
Some fight it we shopping.
We fight it with just about everything we can think of… and nothing quenches the ache.
The sobering realization is that there are some aches that might never go away. There are people who come into our lives and our soul just clicks with theirs. On a level that surpasses our human understanding, we connect with them. These people are friends, lovers, acquaintances, and the like. We click with them like we’ve never clicked with anybody. These people meet us on levels that the rest of the world can’t- And no matter how hard we try to make that ache go away, sometimes long after they are gone, it burns and it stays and it sticks.
We can fight it and try and get rid of it or we can embrace it and be reminded that the ache means we are human.
The ache means that we were made for a higher purpose than sometimes daily mundane life likes to portray. The ache means we need something bigger than ourselves.
The ache for me reminds me that I need God like I need the air I breath.
It’s maddening and it’s beautiful all at the same time. It’s the human condition. It’s the reason I fall in love with humanity every single day.