Floppy Hats & Pineapple Welcome Mats

Dear Pretty Girl Ahead of Me In Line at Target,

You probably don’t remember me. I pulled my carts up behind you in line at Target. Yep that’s right, I said carts as in plural, as in I had two. They were stacked to the brim, literally overflowing with diapers, formula and baby gates for the new house. Child-rearing necessities for this season in our life. I had the Cartwheel app opened and coupons in hand… It’s possible to say that Hubbz loves me extra when I save ridiculous amounts of money. I looked at you with your oh-so-cute sandals and pedicured toes. I made a mental note that I really need a pedicure… And at least a quick coat of polish on my nails. I hear myself breath deep and sigh because, uhh, I haven’t even showered yet today. I watch you as you unload your cart. Don’t worry, not in a creepy way, but definitely kinda staring (sorry, not sorry). Your purchases looked glorious. A big floppy straw hat, some makeup that looked uber fun, a cute welcome mat with a pineapple on it… Giiiiirl! I like your style. Maybe in another life we can be besties because well, floppy straw hats, makeup and welcome mats with pineapples. ::Swoon::

I adjusted my baseball cap and looked back down at my two carts full of necessities. I laughed to myself because I used to be you, Pretty Target Girl. Never leaving the house without primping and makeup. Buying fun hats and cute welcome mats because, duh, why not! I watched as you gathered your things and imagined the amazing day you were off to have with your floppy hat and pineapple mat. I wanted to yell after you “Have so much fun with your floppy hat!!! It’s glorious!” but I didn’t because let’s be honest, that would make me a friggen’ weirdo.

I got home to find Hubbz and our little boy having Gigglefest 2017 on the living room couch. I laughed to myself as I remembered you and your put together appearance and how my life has COMPLETELY morphed into Mommyhood. I wouldn’t change not one thing about this life of mine and I would never go back to life before Mommyhood, but Pretty Target Girl, I do have some unsolicited advice to share:

Enjoy the solitude. I would give up eating sushi for the rest of my life for some solitude. While that seems a little dramatic, I can assure you that it’s not. I don’t want a lifetime of solitude… Just an hour. Being able to sit and enjoy a DVR without being interrupted 73,942 times would be the raddest thing that’s ever happened to me. I lust over an aimless afternoon laying in my hammock reading a book with zero cares given. Also, I miss pooping without being interrupted. While this may seem like TMI, I have birthed a child. Zero things are TMI anymore. I digress. Pretty Target Girl, wholeheartedly enjoy every moment of solitude.

Take vacations. Hubbz is trying to talk me into some insanely romantic fancy vacation for our ten year anniversary this year. I keep telling him I am unsure because I am a Mommy now and worrying is my pastime. “What if’s” get the best of me sometimes and I just can’t even fathom being far away from my son. What if we are gone and he gets sick? What if we are gone and he does some amazing milestone like walks or talks? What if we are gone and the End of Days happens and we get stranded in Bali and can’t get home. THEN WHAT!? See Pretty Target Girl, when you and your eventual Hubbz have a +1, your priorities shift and though you desperately need to be skinny dipping in an infinity pool overlooking the ocean, Mommy Guilt kicks in. So for the love of all that is glorious, any chance you get, grab a slightly too strong Pina Colada and get all toes in the water, ass in the sand. If not for you, do it for all the Mommy’s who need that right now.

Relish your sleep. Sleep is the most glorious and beautiful thing on the whole planet. I am unsure the last time I slept for 8 hours straight but I can assure you it was amazing. Right now in my life there is nothing on Earth sexier than getting a glimpse at the inside of my eyelids for a good 6 hours. Pre-Baby, sleep was like basically my favorite thing ever. From post-work naps to long weekend slumbers. The dark circles under my eyes were non-existent. Now, are they there or do I just have an amazing cover-up technique? You will never ever know! Pretty Target Girl, enjoy your 8-10 hours of uninterrupted shut eye. More than enjoy it, relish it, because before you know it you will be soothing a crying bundle of love at 3am wondering if you will ever sleep 8 hours at a time again.

Pretty Target Girl, I have a million more tidbits of advice to share but for now, these three are the most important. I love this role of Mommy but there are things about LBM (Life Before Mommyhood) that I miss sometimes. Missing those things used to make me feel like an awful human but sweet Hubbz assured me that it’s totally normal, plus there are things he misses too. We decided the most important thing to do is to work together to keep the things that we loved before still on the radar. I am glad I saw you today, Pretty Target Girl. You sparked great conversation and mindfulness plus you did inspire me to dig out my big floppy straw hat for our walks this spring and summer so thanks for that!

CheersDez cursiveslope


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