Monday Musing 4.8.19

Does your soul ever get wonky? The kind of wonky where you feel itchy in your own skin. Like something is off and you’re unsettled.

Err… uhh… right. Me neither.

Except, can I be honest in this super safe space?

Sometimes I do.

Sometimes my soul feels wonky and I feel itchy in my own skin… more accurately in my own life. If I can be super honest, sometimes in the quiet moments of my day when I am alone in my thoughts, the ultimate joy-stealer starts to creep in… doubt.

Doubt about life.

Doubt about friendships.

Doubt about the way I am a Wife.

Doubt about the way I am a Mama.

Doubt about my health and my fitness journey.

Doubt about my career and education and if I am smart enough.

Doubt about finances and the best ways to invest, save, give or spend our money.

Y’all… SO. MUCH. DOUBT.

I bet if I went on that list long enough I might hit a doubt or few that get the best of you too.

In the Book of James, scripture describes someone who doubts “like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.” What a perfect description. Well played, God. 

Would you agree that sometimes these storms of doubt leave us feeling seasick?

What do we do with this?

In the past, at the first sign of an unsettled heart, I did anything and everything I could to fill that wonky void. I didn’t want to feel the pain of an unsettled soul, so I attached myself to vices that helped me not pay attention to the unrest inside me. I think in these moments when our souls are unsettled and we feel itchy in our skin, when our urge is to fill the void and go as numb as we can, we have to turn our minds and hearts to the one who made us. Turn our minds and hearts to the only one who truly knows our minds and hearts because he created them.

During a recent journey through a storm of doubt, I realized what was happening and I stopped my brain in that moment. I flipped the flow on the waves of doubt. I stood up from where I was and took a deep breath. I walked to the nearest window and felt the sun on my face. I put my hand over my heart, and I got really still. That heartbeat I felt was mine. No one else’s. That heartbeat was God’s gift to me and signifies a purpose I have on this planet.

Know what the coolest thing about this is?

YOU HAVE ONE TOO!

When doubt and unrest creep into your day, your life, your moments, your thoughts –  stop and flip the flow. Take a deep breath. Stand in truth. Feel your heart beating. That heart is beating to allow you to live your purpose. I have learned something along the way in this life- when I have purpose in my heart, I can’t have unrest in my soul. There isn’t any room for it.

The unrest fades away.

The doubt significantly diminishes.

In its place, the truth. Your truth. The truth that ultimately sets you free.

Meet you back here next week, same time, same place,