Desire vs. Value

I learned something profound that I want to share with every girl and woman in America. Yes, I just said every girl and woman in America. It’s that big of a deal. I learned something at 30 that I wish I would’ve known at 15 and 17 and 23 and 29. I learned something at 30 that changed my mind about a lot.



I read that on a random day… Then I said “Wait, ‘scuse me, what?” It shook something inside of me awake.

I read it again and again and again.

Just because someone desires you, does not mean they value you.

Just because someone desires you doesn’t mean they see you. It doesn’t mean they see the little idiosyncrasies that deem you wonderfully made.

Just because someone desires you doesn’t mean they know you. It doesn’t even mean they want to get to know you. 

I understand the need for desire. Heck! My name literally MEANS “to be desired.” If we are being honest, frankly, it’s fun to be desired! It’s fun to be sought after. It’s fun to be wanted. It’s fun to be the goal of the pursuit. One thing I know about all of this is that outside the context of love, outside the context of marriage, desire is fleeting. Desire is important in a relationship with your husband, desire outside of marriage can crush your soul.

What matters is to be valued. What matters is to have someone know your worth. What matters is to have someone understand you and the things that make you unique, beautiful and perfect.

I spent a lot of my life a-d-d-i-c-t-e-d to desire. Addicted to the feeling and addicted to the rush. I sold my soul many times to men who didn’t value it.

See I had it mixed up. I thought that being desired meant I was worthy and valuable.

Let me say that another way… An ugly way…

My worth came from others and what they thought of me.

WOAH. That’s a pretty ugly secret, Dollface… For a girl who has it all together, that’s jacked. I wrote that sentence and erased it half a dozen times because, I mean, what would people think of me if they knew the truth!? (Do you see the irony? That’s called being human. No, you don’t get to judge me, either.)

A person who sees your worth and value helps you through your biggest disappointments. A person who sees your worth and value helps you through your biggest hurts. A person who sees your worth and value asks you how your day is and truly cares. A person who sees your worth and value picks up the phone and calls you- and doesn’t just shoot you a text when it fits into their life. A person who sees your worth and value wants to spend time with you, wants to see you, wants to be in your energy.

My advice to every girl and woman in America is to first find your value and worth. Look in the mirror and see the amazing, beautiful, splendid (yeah, I said splendid) creation God himself made. Then surround yourself with people who see you. The ones who see your worth and your value. Desire will follow.

Don’t sell yourself short on this, it will devastate you. It isn’t worth it. No matter what. Ever.