#TBT: A Reflection about the Journey to the Mommy Club
** Mommyhood has kept me busy and I have 72,463,795 half-written blog posts laying around. In an effort to share them, I will be posting them periodically on #TBT’s… Today is one of those #TBT’s. This was started about 8 months ago when baby boy was about a month old. Enjoy.
This morning as I sat and nursed my sweet little boy, while the rest of the house slept, I aimlessly flipped through my Facebook memories of this day. I love looking back and seeing how far life has taken me. There were a couple rough years embedded in those posts and to see how far I have come from such a rough time is a testament to the glory and goodness of the God I serve. Today’s look back was enough to bring me to my knees while tears of humble gratitude flow heavily from my eyeholes.
If you know our story you know the journey to the Mommy Club was a hard one. Infertility was our reality while trying to get pregnant and it was the most difficult road I have ever walked. Very early on this sweet Sunday morning, the day of our little boy’s baptism, I look back.
Facebook reminded me this morning of a blog post I posted one year ago today. I climbed up on a cold, hard hospital table and endured the worst infertility test of my life. I can now honestly say, it was a pain that made child birth seem like a walk in the park… No joke.
I still to this day have no idea why God picked Hubbz and I to go through the trials of infertility. I suspect it’s because God knew I would share our journey. There are so many couples on the same walk and so many of them don’t talk about it. There are women silently hurting and because of shame or embarrassment don’t talk about it. There is a stigma around infertility and I like to think that maybe in my little spot on this planet that I can help erase that stigma… Or at least shake it up a little. I like to think that our story can help others know they aren’t alone.
Infertility sucks. I can try and sugar coat it and look at the silver lining but at the end of the day, it sucks. It is through this helpless despair that I boast that there is a need for our God in our lives. A God who became human and endured the worst of the worst for you and for me. A God that sees, hears and understands all of it- even that thing you think he won’t understand- He gets it. A God that I have shaken my fists at and threatened to walk away from- yet a God that always showered me with mercy, love, grace and forgiveness.
I sit here on this Sunday morning, Baby Boy’s baptism day, and I am humbled. My sweet Hubbz asleep next to me and our little miracle fast asleep in my arms- I lean my head back and rest it on the headboard and I exhale.
God, you are mighty and your love is unfailing. In my shortcomings and pure human failure you bless me more than I deserve. I look back a year ago today and I am humbled at the profound goodness of your ways. I didn’t understand your ways and your timing but you have taken my immeasurable heartache and used it for good. You redeemed our hurts and our sadness a hundred times over. You God, are incredible and all I can do is bow my head, face my palms upward, and thank you. You are a mighty God that we serve.