Just This Moment

Tonight finds me settled in on our deck, Toddler B fast asleep and Hubbz out running errands. My tiny fur-ball is curled up on the patio chair next to me and I am reading a book. I can feel the setting sun warm my bones and a solid wind blowing from the south. (Thank you, countless summers of caddying loops at our local country club for my directional knowledge.) 😉 It’s summer in The Mitten and for a girl who prefers a cold, crisp fall day, I do have to say, it’s absolute p-e-r-f-e-c-t-i-o-n. (also, it was super annoying writing perfection that way- I digress.)

Lately, my free time has found me writing my book- and by writing I mean sitting down to write and then coming up with all the things I need to be doing instead of writing. I am not a procrastinator but for some reason when it comes to writing my book I can give you a list of 783 things that I need to be doing instead. I don’t entirely know why this is a thing, but it is. When I am not writing, I have been reading. I am a Gemini with a mind that can overthink something seven ways to Sunday, and because of this I have taught myself to have a voracious appetite for a great book… otherwise I get myself in trouble.

My current read was given to me by a writing mentor that I met with recently. She showed up with an armful of new books for me to read. Nestled into one of the pages was this beautiful line by E.L. Doctorow, “Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.”

YOU GUYS.

Does that hit anyone else right smack upside the head like it does me?! I don’t know about you but when I apply that to my life, it gives me permission to breath… specifically to exhale. It gives me space to not have it all figured out. So many times I strive to see the whole pie when all I am given is a slice. This little snippet of wisdom I uncovered in this book was just enough of a reminder that I don’t have to be able to see the entire path. I only have to see enough of what is in front of me to be able to take the next step, and the one after that, and the one after that.

The sun is starting to fall deep on the horizon now and the air is feeling mighty cool for a summer night. I take a look at the baby monitor- Toddler B is tucked in for the night and Hubbz should be home any minute. I start to have a little peace around the fact that I don’t have all the answers on this side of Heaven. I just have to know enough and be brave enough to take the next step- even when I can’t see the whole road or even where it goes.

I exhale and feel a stillness in my body. The tension I had about things in life that seem unresolved isn’t entirely there anymore. There’s nothing hanging over my head to figure out.

It’s just this moment.

I sit back in my chair and exhale.

Just as the sun slips beyond the horizon.

All we have is this moment, Friends.

Just this moment.