Once Upon a Shitty Morning
Motherhood and marriage isn’t always pretty. Our social feeds have become highlight reels and sometimes it makes me cray-cray because we all know full well, that’s not real life. 🙈 For you Mama’s who are having a rough day, week, month, season, enjoy reading about the morning I recently had… and feel slightly better about life.
I started off the day hitting snooze one too many times (and by one too many I mean 742 too many). In the bathroom, tensions rose when Hubbz was forced to maneuver around me taking up most of the space, shaving my leg over the sink while brushing my teeth. It doesn’t help my cause that when I get ready in the morning it can tend to look like a hurricane of makeup and hair product hit our bathroom (what can I say… #29Forever). The environment was prime and ready for a marital bump in the road and needless to say, I got into a disagreement with Hubbz. Even after spending 16 years together, two people don’t always agree on everything.
Hubbz left for work annoyed and in a huff and I moved on to a very upset toddler whose diaper decided to explode a nights worth of pee and a fresh morning poop EVERYWHERE. When I say everywhere what I mean is everywhere. All over him, the crib, my work clothes and yes, some in my freshly done hair. #sweet I did my best to clean him up with wet wipes but realized I was doing more smearing then cleaning. Also, I might add, while I was in the midst of doing more smearing than cleaning he decided that now was the best time to reach down and see if he could help… or maybe he just wanted to be a boy and grab his junk. Either way, I ended up with a poop covered hand hanging on to my forearm. There are moments in life when you realize you are fighting a losing battle… his poop covered hand on my forearm was that moment.
I’ve learned in life, sometimes when things aren’t going as planned we are forced to pivot. I took that as my sign to pivot… right to the bathroom and I put him in the bathtub. I, along with most of the bathroom, ended up drenched when he lost his bananas because this was definitely not part of his morning routine and though he loves baths he wasn’t interested in one this early (I can’t entirely blame him for feeling that way. I get it.) By only the grace of God, we got out of the house in one piece and neither one of us smelling like poop.
Our departure from home was a great accomplishment until ToddlerB screamed all the way to Starbuck’s because sometimes being 21 months and having your routine severly jacked up is hard. While I waited in an extra-long line that just so happened to decided to take 17 hours that day, he screamed and carried on. I tried every trick in the book and it wasn’t until I began putting his window up and down looking for imaginary birds and chickens that he stopped. Don’t ask me where the chickens came from- it was all I could think of plus, it worked. #littlewins I dropped #ToddlerB off at daycare where he instantly became a normal functioning human and even waved and blew me kisses from the window. I think he was casually saying “So long, Sucker!!!” I cried most of the way to work and spent the morning beating myself up because #momguilt and #wifeguilt are real things.
Sometimes as women with marriages and children and careers, we question if we really can have it all. We question what it takes to hold it together and if we’re really even capable of that. In case you were wondering, the answer to all of those questions is, YES!
Yes, you can have it all!
Yes, you can hold it together!
And, hell yes, you are capable!!!
Just in case no one has told you lately, we are more than capable… we are conquerors!
Mid-way through my day I paused because I couldn’t shake the mom guilt and wonky mood. I busted out some Jesus and read the days scripture. “I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand I will not be shaken.” (Psalm 16:8) I almost facepalmed myself for forgetting that truth but instead I took it as a gentle reminder. I was reminded that in my morning- in each moment that seemed to get worse and worse, I forgot to keep my eyes looking up. Sure the situation wouldn’t have changed but maybe I would have gone through it with gratitude, peace and even a little laughter. I called to mind that I get to share space with Hubbz each morning. I get to hear his very wise point-of-view on things. I get to nourish and raise a little boy with a very healthy digestive system. I get to make up silly games with him while we wait in long lines for delicious caffeinated beverages. I get to bring him to a place where he is loved and cared for everyday while I get to work in a place that I love and fulfills me. By keeping my eyes on the Lord, nothing about my morning would have probably changed, yet everything would have changed.
A long time before BabyB ever made his appearance, Hubbz and I vowed to love each other and raise our babies to know Jesus. This is where the rubber meets the road. In our marriage and in Mommyhood, we are in the midst of the moments that will matter. I take a deep breath (and thankfully no longer smell toddler poop in my nose holes.) I can rest assured that so long as I am living with my eyes firmly on Jesus, he hears me, he sees me and he’s got me… I won’t be shaken by what comes my way. Sweet Mama’s, without a doubt in my heart, this applies to you too. In the moments when the rubber is meeting the road, it’s hard to remember. Keep your dope soul focused on Jesus and you won’t be shaken by the life that comes your way.
PS… I just realized that I now have a baseline morning… no matter how bad it gets from here on out, hopefully I will always be able to look back and say “at least it wasn’t as bad as that one morning.” Maybe that’s wishful thinking but a Rookie Mommy can dream, right?!