When Marriage is “Meh”… or worse
Apparently, the Universe (or insert your version of “the Universe” here) thinks there is a topic I am supposed to be writing about in my blog. It’s a topic that has been presenting itself at every turn. It’s a topic that has been nagging at me since October. To combat the urging to write about it, I have convinced myself that:
A) I am too busy.
B) No one wants to hear what I have to say.
C) I am not “qualified” to write about it.
D) See A through C.
If those lame-ass excuses aren’t enough, it’s a nagging topic that has begun to make me wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it. If you know anything about me, you know I love sleep like a fat kid loves cake. So here I am writing, if nothing else, so I can sleep at night.
(Sidenote, if the fat kid and cake analogy offends you, please know I am talking about myself. I was, at various points in my Italian upbringing, a fat kid… and I loved me some cake. So it’s cool.)
Before you roll your eyes and stop reading, just hear me out…
Every single one of us has an already-always listening for what marriage is. To some, it’s a sacred covenant. To some, it’s the punchline of a joke. To some, it evokes wonderful warm feelings. To some, the feelings are terrible. Some people love the idea of it, and some people loathe it. Some see it as a commitment to be honored and others a means to an end, while still others who see it as a noose to be avoided at all costs. Regardless of your feelings about it, today, it’s the topic of my blog. Since you are already here, why don’t you settle in for a moment and at least read what I have to say.
There is someone who needs to hear this message today. A husband or a wife somewhere riding the Struggle Bus and feeling frustrated, sad, angry, hurt, pissed, betrayed or alone- maybe all of the above- probably a mix of most of them, all rolled into one shit storm. Maybe your marriage is broken beyond repair. Maybe it’s in the process of falling apart. Maybe your marriage isn’t falling apart or broken but it’s just kinda “meh”. I get it. It’s like the thing that people usually don’t talk about but everyone is feeling on some level.
Friends, our social media highlight reels love to paint pretty pictures of our lives- pictures that sometimes don’t always match what is happening behind our very pretty wreath-adorned doors and perfect welcome mats. I am willing to bet quite a bit of moolah that if the world saw our #reallife- like the raw and the fugly, we might cringe a little. I can see the Facebook status updates now:
“It’s payday and the paycheck is already spent. Ended the day fighting over dinner with my spouse about money. #NotoriousBIGwaswrong #LessMoneyMoreProblems”
“Spouse has really let themselves go after all these years, but Attractive Other Human that pays attention to me at work seems intriguing. #PlayingWithFire”
“Feeling a little unfulfilled and bored with spouse and kids so instead of pouring into my marriage, I am going to check out of my life and login to other people’s. #ItsJustHarmlessScrollingRight #JustZoningOut #IDeserveIt”
Y’all. Did any of those kinda make your heart pang in your chest a little? Maybe yours isn’t on that list but if I kept going I bet we would eventually get to yours. Can I tell you the truth about something? A truth no one tells you as they are wishing you a lifetime of happiness… Marriage is the hardest commitment you will ever enter into. More than I like to admit, I have rolled over in the morning looked at my husband and thought “Seriously? You again?” And don’t worry, that’s not mean. I promise you as sure as I am writing these words, Hubbz has felt the same. I even asked him if he minded if I put that in there- he laughed and said “Of course not! It’s the truth!” (To which I raised a brow at him and gasped… how could he really get sick of me!?)
Anyway, I digress.
I have one simple message, to the husbands and wives out there with marriages that are less than stellar- and lately I know a lot of marriages have been. Do not, under any circumstances, stop fighting for your marriage- even if you don’t feel like fighting for it- especially when you don’t feel like fighting for it. Find the resources and tools you need to make it happy and healthy again. If your marriage seems broken beyond repair, Friends, hear me when I say there is NOTHING the love of Christ cannot heal.
I just read and re-read that last sentence and deleted and retyped it 4 times. It sounds so hokey and weird. I legit feel like a weird person typing that. If 7 years ago you would have used that line on me I would have looked at you like you were one of those weird “Jesus People” and kindly told you “good luck with that“. Friends, as sure as I am sitting here today I can promise you with every cell in my body that Christ can heal anything. Even your marriage… regardless of the state it is in. I know this because Hubbz and I lived this. Our marriage is proof that God can heal anything. Don’t believe the lies that say your marriage is unfixable. God is bigger than any circumstances you might be facing. Don’t believe me? Come have a chat with Hubbz and I.
Friends, I don’t know why I am so compelled to be writing encouragement about marriage. My brain tells me I am a weirdo and no one will read it. My heart says I need to write about it. God is in the business of healing marriages and redeeming love. Never, ever, ever stop fighting for your marriage.
If you don’t know where to turn or where to start, open your bible and start with the Truth. Hebrews 4:12 tells us “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” His word heals. It heals anything we can manage to jack-up. If you need Christ-centered resources, please reach out. Do not, under any circumstances, stop fighting for your marriage. There is hope and sometimes it starts in the most broken places.
I am sending all my love to the hurting hearts that needed to hear this message. Over the past two months we have been praying daily for marriages. We will continue to pray- you continue to fight for your marriage. And more than anything, know that you are not alone.