Intentionality in Marriage
My first priority when I walk in the door after work is to look as homeless as I possibly can. After a long day of having to wear pants I feel that it is my reward to promptly remove them when I get home and lavish my body with something amazing like 100% cotton jersey knit. I feel like that is necessary information to tell you for when you read the next sentence. So there I am, laying on the couch looking all homeless when he walks in the door. I quickly sit up to pretend I wasn’t totally passing out on the couch and wipe the drool off my cheek… Sexy, I know. I straighten his oversized sweatshirt that’s hugging my baby bump these days and readjust my headband and give him my best “Hey Boo, Heyyyyy!” He laughs and walks in the kitchen. I lay back on the couch because growing a tiny human is a lot of work and it makes me sleepy. I ask him how his day was fully expecting to hear his voice coming from the kitchen but to my surprise he has now walked back over by the living room. I look over and this man with his heart of gold is standing there holding yet another bouquet of flowers, a bag of Arby’s french fries with extra Arby’s sauce and a chocolate and jamocha mixed shake.
“Why Hello, Hubbz. You have just won the key to my heart.” (Because food makes me swoon- I used to fight it now I just accept it’s the way God made me… And I swim more laps because of it.)
The past couple months Hubbz has started a new thing… He brings me fresh flowers every week. Usually he picks them up after Saturday morning basketball but sometimes he shows up with them in the middle of a random weekday. The Arby’s he brought me I have been craving for the better part of 2 weeks. I haven’t broken down because I know fast food isn’t good for me or our little BabyB… I think maybe Hubbz was tired of hearing me talk about Arby’s in my sleep because I definitely had a dream or two about it.
I am writing all this not to brag at how fabulous my husband is… Although, he is pretty fab. I’m writing this to talk about something so deep that it makes my soul ache… The intentionality of marriage. These seemingly “Random Act of Hubbz”, are not so random. They are intentional. The man intentionally seeks to do things that make me happy. In a world where the marriages around us are failing left and right, intentionality is the missing piece to the puzzle. What if we started being intentional in our marriages? What if we put down our phones, logged off social and tuned into our partners? Don’t get me wrong, I am the first to stop my world so I can SnapChat something… But what if I wasn’t? Sure people would probably have a little less laughter in their life because my snap stories are nothing if not hilarious (I am kidding… kinda.) But seriously, what if?
The truth about intentionality is that being intentional in marriage is hard work. It takes thought and time and planning. I am sleepy just thinking about that.
It takes going outside our selfish wants and needs and desires to intentionally meet the needs of another. At this my ego screams “WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS! ME! ME! ME!”
I know what you are thinking, between jobs, kids, this, that and the other, who has time for that? I AGREE! Then I stop and ask… Who doesn’t have time for it? Isn’t it the most important thing? The thing I know about marriage is the moment you stop paying attention to it, the moment you stop being intentional, it leaves room for other priorities to take its place. I know this so well because we had a marriage like that. We neglected it so bad it was unrecognizable. Us… The couple who vowed to live “happily ever after” (swoon) on their wedding day had a marriage that we completely incinerated because of neglect. Neglect that only God himself has redeemed and made whole again- because our God is good like that.
Today, as you begin your week, I urge you to start living intentionally for your marriage.
Husbands go out of your way to love your wife. If you don’t know how to do that, learn. Invest the time in the woman you vowed to love for the rest of your days. See what makes her tick. Ask her what you can do to be a better husband and when she tells you, do your best to meet that want or need. Make her feel like she is the most incredible woman that has ever walked into your life.
Wives, make a choice to respect your husband. Speak of him in ways that if he overheard he would stand a little taller and walk a little lighter. Speak to him in ways that nurture him and lift him up. Tell him he is handsome and that gosh dang it- his dad bod is hot! Make him feel like he’s the reason the sun rises every morning. Thank him for who he is as a man… Your man.
Live intentionally like your marriage depends on it my sweet readers, because if we are being honest, it does.