My Journey to the Mommy Club: Things I have Learned 7 weeks In

If you don’t follow me on Snapchat (um, you should… @dezmelfi) you have probably missed the hilarity that has ensued in my life these past 7 weeks. I decided to put together somethings I have learned thus far, while growing a human.

Campbell’s Vegetable soup with alphabits used to be my jam. Like, my JAM. It now however, smells exactly like dog food. Not just any dog food, but dog food that a rabid dog ate and then vommed back up on your living room carpet. I was a hideous mixture of snotty sickness and death warmed over when Hubbz brought me home a million cans of soup that I had requested along with blue Gatorade (which is still my jam). I opened a can, fully prepared to throw down, got one whiff and immediately chucked it into the sink. So much for that “Mmm Mmm Good!”

I used to think oyster crackers were for old people eating clam chowder at their local Flap Jack… Turns out, they are for pregnant women jonesing for some salt with an added crunch to settle a slightly nauseous stomach. I have discovered a glorious new way to eat these too. You suck all the salt off of them and then bite them in half longways, chew, swallow and repeat. It kinda reminds me of eating sunflower seeds when I played softball… Except there’s no spitting involved… Which reminds me… Ohh, sunflower seeds… Hubbz, can we add that to the grocery list? Sidenote, the oyster crackers only lasted, midway into week 6. They now give me fierce heartburn and I hate them.

I have learned to measure life in millimeters for now. Well, millimeters and food. Measurements like “smaller than a grain of rice”, “size of an apple seed” and “pea-sized” are things that warmed my heart and made my soul sing. This week BabyB is the size of a blueberry and I promise you it’s the cutest blueberry sized human you have EVER seen… And its heartbeat is ridiculously amazing. I know because we saw it a week and a half ago (and hip-hip-hooray we get to see our BabyB again this week!)

This needs no caption. It happened Week 3ish and it was the most glorious thing to ever occur… Now however, I just threw up in my mouth thinking about it… True story. It started with the craving for rubens (which Hubbz made the most incredible ones I have ever had in my life, because he’s good like that.) It then turned into me just feigning for sauerkraut right out of the jar… At 7:15 in the morning. Hubbz may or may not have told me it was disgusting as he walked out of the kitchen. I didn’t care. It was all kinds of glorious.

I’ve learned that group texts with my people melt my heart… I also have an insanely irrational need to eat chinese food everyday (like 17 orders of crab rangoons from Rice Kitchen). I send my people updates on how big the BabyB is… They love it… So do my twin nieces who are 5 1/2 and say the most hilarious things on the face of the planet. If we are being honest, I kinda already knew that group texts with my people melted my heart but the chinese food thing… THAT caught me totally off guard because I never liked chinese food.

I have learned that this human growing business is serious stuff and in order for it to occur properly (sans the cramping of the growing and expanding uterus) I need to drink a whole lotta high quality h2O! The flip side of this which no one tells you when they are telling you to drink 7 million gallons of water is that you will have to pee every 37 seconds. I don’t look pregnant yet so I am confident most people think I have something wrong with me because I am constantly running for the nearest restroom. It is slightly embarrassing.

To appreciate the newest thing I have learned you must appreciate the fact that I only ever eat boneless wings slathered in buffalo sauce. I am a prima donna when it comes to eating and I will not mess up my manicure eating hot wings. As of late, I cannot get enough of bone-in wings. I have to say after 14 years of being with Hubbz there isn’t much that surprises him about me. The night I ordered bone-in hot wings and proceeded to completely demolish them left him utterly speechless. It has happened a few times since then (by few, I mean like 7) and it has been glorious. Oh, I have also learned to carry the tums in my purse instead of waiting until I get home to get a little relief from the heartburn. This kid better have a full head of hair to show for the heartburn it’s causing me.

All of my extra time (and my leap day) has been devoted to my BabyB. We do things like grow organs and other body parts. This is mainly done while I sleep. I have become a professional at sleeping with my eyes open while doing mundane tasks like unloading the dishwasher and folding laundry. If a car ride is more than 5 minutes and Hubbz is driving you can be very certain that I am snoozing. My bedtime is roughly 8pm these days, if it is later than that I turn into a very confused 5 year old version of myself who is unable to control her flailing limbs… I might be kidding, then again I might not be.

I have learned that a little blip on a monitor has changed my life forever. The moment I saw our little BabyB’s heartbeat was a moment I will never in my whole life forget. I wrote a whole blog post about the experience. What I didn’t write about was the days since that day. Up until that point I had been eating healthy and drinking lots of water and getting rest to take care of myself. Seeing my child with it’s little heart beating on that monitor kicked things up about 500 notches. Suddenly my life wasn’t about me and what I wanted. It’s about this little one inside me and providing a future for them that fairy tales are made of. It’s about giving them all of the things that Hubbz and I never had, but also ensuring that they know what it means to work hard and appreciate things. It’s about letting them grow up in a peaceful two-parent home where they can go to sleep every night knowing Mommy and Daddy are there together loving them. It’s about taking all of the good that our parents raised us with and passing that on to them.

If someone would have told me adulting would have been this cool, I know that I wouldn’t have believed them. It’s only been 7 weeks and I already have learned so much… There isn’t a doubt in my mind that the journey our God has put before us will truly and utterly blow my mind, because, well, it already kinda has!