My Journey to the Mommy Club: Seeing Heartbeats
There is a heart that is beating inside of me.
A heartbeat that isn’t mine.
A heartbeat that belongs to a little soul we have named, for now, Baby B.
They said if I could see the heartbeat the rate of miscarriage dropped dramatically. I held my breath as the doctor did the usual doctor things. Checking the ovaries, checking the uterus, checking how many Baby B’s we had in there (there is one!) I watched the screen and I don’t think I even blinked… Waiting to see the flickering of a heartbeat… AND THEN… I saw something. I squinted my eyeholes- was I imagining it? The doctor zoomed in and there it was! The most beautiful little flicker of life I have ever seen in my entire life. A heartbeat. Our BabyB’s heartbeat. My breath caught in my chest. Our BabyB has a visible heartbeat and I could see it right there on the screen in black and white.
My eyeholes pooled with tears and the nurse handed me the kleenex box. The doctor measured and did her doctor things and I layed there staring at the monitor at that little flicker of life that is growing inside me.
Hi Baby B, You are just a tiny little heartbeat on a screen but I am so in love with you already. My name is Desireé, but you can call me Mommy. Your Daddy is right next to me and though he is trying to be tough I saw him blink away a tear or two. Baby B, we cannot wait to meet you and hold you and explore the world with you! For now, grow strong little one, Mommy and Daddy will get to see you again in two weeks. We love you SOOOO much! We are praying over you constantly, everyday.
And with that, the ultrasound was over. I am amazed and in awe. There is a life growing inside of me. It is a life that is part me and part Hubbz. One day it’s going to be a tiny human living and breathing on its own. A tiny human with its own thoughts and feelings and ways of doing life. I have a feeling that this little heartbeat is going to flip our world upside down… But if we are being honest… It already has, and for that we are over the moon.